The MommyVerse

Taking Out the Trash

2012-01-05T21:27:00.000-08:00

I'm watching the latest episode of Hoarding: Buried Alive on TLC. This woman in Greensboro has refused to throw away any garbage in her house to the point that roaches and spiders - including black widows - have invaded to an unimaginable level. She keeps talking about how her "condition" keeps her from cleaning it up, but it has forced her children to live in what basically amounts to a trash pile. When the narrator describes it as a "long and difficult cleanup process" it has to be the secondmost understatement of the decade. This is profound hoarding at its worst.

Looking at what is piled up in the house, I can't see one thing that isn't obviously garbage, whether it's toilet paper, empty plastic bags, empty coke bottles, feces, used sanitary napkins, and even used hypodermic needles (diabetes?). I don't understand this kind of hoarding. The complete lack of concern, the obvious laziness is mind boggling. The homeowner even says "I don't give a s***," which is probably the biggest understatement of the decade. She even lies down in bed and takes a nap while the workers shovel trash around her. I'm not the most motivated person and I don't claim to have a complete lack of laziness, but I've always found the energy to throw out my sanitary napkins. I really try not to judge, but I'm struggling to wrap my brain around why someone would just totally avoid taking out the trash.

38,694

2011-12-01T12:52:00.000-08:00

That's how many words I got in my manuscript before my computer crashed and took everything with it. The good news is that my manuscript was recovered. The bad news is that I didn't get my computer back until this morning, 8 hours after NanoWrimo ended. Which means it was another year that I didn't "win". More bad news: the crash also took all the pictures and videos I had of L from day 1. Better news: I put most of them on facebook, so I still have them saved somewhere.

Just in time for another break

2011-10-31T14:00:00.000-07:00

How do the days move so dang fast?
So I disappeared again, despite my promise not to. And I'm only here to say that I'm about to take another extended separation. National Novel Writing Month is coming...less than 7 hours away! National should actually be "International" and since 2007 I've participated in the worldwide event. This year I'm attempting to do a double job. That's WRITE, I'm planning to create two novels from scratch in the matter of only 30 days. I know, I'm crazy. But it's more due to the fact that I couldn't decide between two plot ideas than any real attempt at greatness.

I will try to update periodically here. Otherwise, keep an eye on the word count widget and see where I'm at in the noveling process. FYI: since I only have one profile, I'll only have one word count. Therefore, rather than 50K words, look for my widget to show 100K words by the end of November.

Bad news

2011-10-04T12:26:00.000-07:00

Found out yesterday that I have two degenerative discs and my C6 and C7 vertebrae have developed bone spurs. It's not absolutely horrible and I'm not in a wheelchair or anything, but it does mean that I have to stop running for now and that if I don't get it under control I could be looking at back surgery within the next 10 years, which isn't exactly normal for someone my age. I always figured my next orthopedic surgery would be on my knees, not my back. Maybe I need to go in for a whole new model.

Time for some lunges and yoga.

Apologies, Updates, and Plans

2011-09-30T13:04:00.000-07:00

Well, my plan to blog every day sort of died quickly! But never fear, I'm still here. Apologies for the major gap in posts.

Quick update: L is LOVING school! I'm loving her school as well...for the most part. I've had a few minor issues, namely L getting bit by another child not once, not twice, but three times so far. I also know of three other times this child had bit another child. When I tried talking to the teachers about it, there really wasn't a solution provided and I'm still not confident that they will keep L from being bitten again. But the plan is that as soon as it happens again, we'll be headed immediately to the school director's office for a chat.

School for me is going great. I'm holding a 4.0 across the board, so that bodes well for me when it comes to applying to the nursing program in the spring. I'm having difficulties letting the immaturity of some of my classmates roll off my back. It's pretty sad that adults (because they're 18 and technically adults) have such issues paying attention in class and not spending that time texting, playing computer games, or surfing Facebook. I can only be responsible for myself but it gets distracting and it does bug me that while I am paying for this education out of pocket and therefore need to put forth 100% effort, other students are squandering their opportunities. Oh well. Live and let learn!

I've also started helping to teach an ESL class at the local mission. It's been a ton of fun and the students in the class are wonderful. I was just asked this week to develop some lesson plans and review sheets for the students to use, which was a huge compliment. I'm excited to do that, especially since this is the type of work that I did right after graduating from college the first time. It's also a great opportunity for me to work on my Spanish skills since all the students are native Spanish speakers.

Now, for the future plans: I'm in the process of leaving Facebook - a process that is taking a lot more time and energy than it really should! Of course, based on how much folks depend on online interactions to stay in touch this means there are several folks who will be out of the loop about the goings on in our lives. But I realize that blogging gives me more control over who sees my musings, thoughts, updates and such so I'm planning to make this in to more of a "what's happening in our corner of the world" blog than a "mom-centered stuff" blog. I probably won't have a particular topic that I'll stick to, so there will probably be a lot of different types of posts here. I used to do this a few years ago, but had started depending on Facebook more and more.

So, that's pretty much all for today. I'm back. And I hope I won't disappear quite so often for quite so long.

C'mon!

2011-09-21T13:08:00.000-07:00

I don't talk about it much, but I've been having pain issues for a long time that are for whatever reason exacerbated right now. I'm working with my doctor on treatments for it, but it's slow going right now.

Anyway, because of the increased pain my irritability is pretty high tonight and I just need to vent...
I've got two friends who are also friends. I like them both and enjoy them, but lately I've found that one has been telling the other stuff that I share with her in confidence and so then the other starts asking questions that I really don't care to answer. It's happened a few times and so I've reached the point where my conversations have to be very superficial. Unfortunately it's not the first time I've experienced this since moving here and I'm just frustrated with how much gossip I've encountered.

Then I had a "run-in" with a local shop owner...I won't say who because I'm pretty sure they've got family and friends on here. But I will say he made comments to me that were blatantly racist. I was disappointed that despite all the "we don't act like that around here" and "doesn't happen as often as you think" that I hear from family and friends, this is just the most recent in a long line of openly prejudiced and derogatory incidents I've experienced or witnessed. Leaves me feeling pretty jaded...and homesick.

On the UP-side, I had an awesome day at the Main Street Mission. I sat in on the ESL class and will start tutoring next week. I met three of the students tonight and we had such a blast talking and laughing. One of the ladies and I really connected and she made me promise that I will try to speak Spanish more. When I had told her I know quite a bit of Spanish and can understand others when they speak (which often works in my favor when people think I don't understand them) but don't like to speak because I'm afraid of making mistakes, she scolded me and reminded me that she feels the same way about English and still goes for it. So we agreed that during class we'll speak English and after class we'll speak Spanish...and we'll help each other. :) I'm really motivated to put in more time in other areas there...we spent half the class running around catching all the leaks in the roof - we had rubbermaid bins everywhere. It was very comical but sad to see how much help they need.

And then there's school. I am so tired of how rude my classmates can be. I have to keep reminding myself they are kids, but I wonder what their parents and former teachers have been telling them about personal responsibility and not blaming the teacher for your poor grade when they spend 90% of class texting, sleeping, talking, or playing computer games on their laptop. I actually caught one of my classmates cheating off of me in lab last week (and yes, I let the professor know and he said he'd deal with it...don't know whatever happened). C'mon!

Next week will be better, right?

Round 2

2011-08-23T10:11:00.000-07:00

Picking up L from school yesterday was somewhat of an anticlimatic event. When I walked in, she glanced at me with no emotion and then went back to eating her graham crackers. Another little girl (the daughter of a friend), however, ran to me crying. Needless to say, it seems mommy was more emotional about the whole event than L.

This morning, unfortunately, was a bit of a role reversal. As soon as we pulled up to the school, L started clinging to me and resisted being removed from my hip. We hadn't even gotten into her classroom before she started screaming and crying. I walked her in and helped her get set up with a breakfast snack. But that didn't seem to help much. I had to give her a quick kiss and leave. Because that's when my crying began.

It really sucks knowing that she's scared. I hate leaving her and I miss her so much. There's a real sense of guilt and also helplessness. It's like getting kicked in the gut when she makes the ugly-cry face. I really hope that the day comes when she will be excited to be at school - the sooner the better, at least for my frazzled nerves.

The First Day

2011-08-22T11:13:00.000-07:00

Today was L's first day at preschool -
- before you say anything, yes she is old enough for preschool. This particular school starts them at 6 weeks and even at this age they have a designed curriculum -
- and while I've been anxious over the prospect of leaving her in the care of new people, I didn't think I would break down and cry. You know, like I did almost immediately after I walked into the classroom. I was walking L around her classroom and showing her all the cool things she'd get to play with and for whatever reason I suddenly felt that familiar sting at the top of my nose and before I could stop it, my eyes welled up and tears just started streaming down my cheeks. I was trying to keep L from seeing my tears but apparently we're so much on the same wavelength that within thirty seconds she joined in the cry-fest. I gave her a quick kiss and told her I'd be back in a few hours and then quickly removed myself from the room. Hearing her wails all the way to the door of the building was painful and I probably sat in the car crying for about ten minutes before I was able to put it in drive and head to school.

Since my classes let out early I stopped by and caught them right in the middle of naptime. L was fast asleep with Daisy, her cloth doll, and rather than wake her, I decided to run home for a quick lunch. I'll head back in about twenty minutes to pick her up and I'm anxious to see her face when she sees that I kept my promise to come back. It's such a difficult part of being a mom, especially a single mom, but I have a feeling this whole change and experience will make my love for her that much stronger and really enhance our bond.